Since I was fairly nervous about the transition from community college to university, I went to bed very late the night before. But, as a dedicated mom, I had to get up early enough to kiss my girls goodbye as they head off to the bus stop. Even though they are 8 and 10, they are new to bus stops and public school so I want to make this an easy transition by being there for them to kiss 'em goodbye and wish them a happy day.
Unfortunately, my late night had caught up to me so I went back to sleep for a while instead of getting ready right away and going to campus early to ensure I could get great parking and finish my lengthy "to do" list. While I definitely needed the sleep, it sure made a hectic morning as I did my best to get ready, pack my backpack with ALL my books, notebooks, folders, and personal items. It took FOREVER!! I somehow got it in my head that I needed to be prepared for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Crazy, I know.
So, I walked into class with no time to spare. That is not how I like to start out the first day of class. Looking around the classroom, trying to find an open seat, I realized why it is that I like to get to class early. My only options were sitting at a round table of all guys with my back to the professor or a round table with 4 girls about 18- 20 years old (not that there was anyone in the whole class who was older than 22, no joke). I don't have anything against little girls (as I call them) per say, however they intimidate me and that infuriates me. Most of them look fairly anorexic and like they just walked out of an ad for Abercrombie and Fitch - only they have slightly more clothes on. If you've ever seen the catalogs for A&F, you know what I mean! Their hair is perfectly side-swept, their thighs, butts, and waists are un-dimpled, unwrinkled, and perfectly shaped. That's my skewed view of them anyway.
And then there's my view of myself. I'm 34 and have had two beautiful babies. These beautiful babies are wonderful and growing quickly, but they have definitely left their mark on my body. So has the stress of life in general and the ridiculous pursuit of being perfect. I have wrinkles that appeared the day I turned 30, I swear! I have dimples in the wrong places and definitely are not cute. I sag and droop way too much that, Thank God, a miracle bra covers and disguises fairly well! I am ALWAYS aware of my age when I am in a class, for obvious reasons of the comparative differences.
This dilemma ended with me taking a seat by the dreaded "little girls", with their giggling and "OMG" blah blah. It turned out okay without much drama (or interaction really) all except for the professor of the class, Educational Psychology, asking for hands of any students who are parents. I was the ONLY one who raised my hand while the professor pointed this fact out and made the entire class aware. Woohoo! Good times! If any of you know me, you know that in a classroom I usually like to be invisible, at least until I get completely comfortable. So much for accomplishing that goal!
My day was long since all 4 of my classes are back to back and I would later find out, in every one of my classes, I was the only 34 year old surrounded by a bunch of boys and girls. I am even older than one of my professors! Ouch!
But, ya know, I am trying to see my situation differently and at least pretend to be confident. I don't want to be intimidated because other girls have "perfect" young bodies. There are things about me, as a 34 year old, that these young girls don't have. They have no experience with life yet and are plagued by naivety. Their decisions have no wisdom behind them yet. They have no seasoning. Their priorities are still skewed. They may boast of their uncomplicated lives, but my "complications" in life are my blessings and fulfill my life in a way that is almost indescribable.
So the verse I found and am clinging to this next couple days is "...Blessed are those who trust in the LORD, whose confidence is in him." Jeremiah 17:7
My hope and confidence is in the LORD. My confidence does not come from my age; it is poured into my soul from Lord alone. And this attitude of hope is what I will take into my next day of classes! :)
Hasta Pronto!
